Lately, I have been on a decluttering kick at my apartment or downsizing some may say.
I cannot think with all my possessions around.
I cannot discern whatever it is I am suppose to discern about my life with all this stuff around distracting me.
I cannot find things in my one-bedroom apartment.
I cannot come up with a cohesive decorating scheme when things are mismatched.
I cannot move forward when I'm shoveling things around.
Somedays I can't leave the house (apartment) on time because I can't find my purse, shoes, gloves, mail, etc.
Sometimes people give me ugly gifts.
I can't appreciate my truly beautiful items when they are hiding behind other items.
So about every other day I have been making trips to various charity thrift shops in the area with bags full of items.
I don't think I'll ever get to the point of St. Francis scarcity or a true minimalist.
There are a lot of things I do not need or use. Other people may find them useful. Charities certainly could use the money from selling the items.
So, it's load [the bags] and go.
Sometimes cleaning seems like an overwhelming thought. I want to live in a cleaner place.
What if I have to move? I don't want to worry about packing up a lot of stuff. That will be a pain. Ugh. Hate packing. Hate carrying heavy stuff around.
But this sorting and ridding is rather scary at times. Because when the majority of my items are gone, what will I have left?
I am afraid my life will be empty and that there will be emptiness inside of me except for the things that I need to face.
It'll be God, me and my . . . weaknesses and faults.
I'm hoping I'll find freedom from all these objects that are collecting dust. I hope friends will fill my more spacious apartment. I want to create room for opportunities and love. I want to be loving, open and adventurous. I want to be creative and profitable.
But it's all a little scary. Because when I'm done with my purging project, what will I do? What will be left? What does life really mean? What does my life mean?
Dear God, as I empty my physical environment, please fill my interior environment with grace.