Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Cleaning Out is Scary

Lately, I have been on a decluttering kick at my apartment or downsizing some may say.
I cannot think with all my possessions around.
I cannot discern whatever it is I am suppose to discern about my life with all this stuff around distracting me.
I cannot find things in my one-bedroom apartment.
I cannot come up with a cohesive decorating scheme when things are mismatched.
I cannot move forward when I'm shoveling things around.
Somedays I can't leave the house (apartment) on time because I can't find my purse, shoes, gloves, mail, etc.
Sometimes people give me ugly gifts.
I can't appreciate my truly beautiful items when they are hiding behind other items.
So about every other day I have been making trips to various charity thrift shops in the area with bags full of items.
I don't think I'll ever get to the point of St. Francis scarcity or a true minimalist.
There are a lot of things I do not need or use. Other people may find them useful. Charities certainly could use the money from selling the items.
So, it's load [the bags] and go.
Sometimes cleaning seems like an overwhelming thought. I want to live in a cleaner place.
What if I have to move? I don't want to worry about packing up a lot of stuff. That will be a pain. Ugh. Hate packing. Hate carrying heavy stuff around.

But this sorting and ridding is rather scary at times. Because when the majority of my items are gone, what will I have left?

Emptiness.

I am afraid my life will be empty and that there will be emptiness inside of me except for the things that I need to face.

It'll be God, me and my . . . weaknesses and faults.

I'm hoping I'll find freedom from all these objects that are collecting dust. I hope friends will fill my more spacious apartment. I want to create room for opportunities and love. I want to be loving, open and adventurous. I want to be creative and profitable.

But it's all a little scary. Because when I'm done with my purging project, what will I do? What will be left? What does life really mean? What does my life mean?

Dear God, as I empty my physical environment, please fill my interior environment with grace.

2 comments:

Katie@NFP and Me said...

Love that little prayer at the end. Perfect for this time of year.

Prayers for you!

"All in His Perfect Timing" said...

It is scary to get rid of the old, but think of the change you are undergoing. For me, purging / sorting / cleaning / donating allows me to be a new person of sorts. You are being charitable to give what is not used and are opening up to new habits ... Space & time for prayer & organization of keys, etc for a clearer, more peaceful mind. I'll be praying that God will give you exciting new opportunities!