Sunday Evening Comments

1) Lonely me won, and I paid a visit to former boyfriend. He was happy to see me, and we ended up spending the day together. However, he's a former boyfriend for several reasons. Those reasons still stand. We never broke up. Our romance just faded away. I brought up issues that I wanted to discuss. He said he didn't want to talk about them. Okay then.

2) The vegan lifestyle is not for me. But I'm glad I took those healthy eating classes and incorporated kale into my diet. I'm just not into eating a lot of grains, and I don't like the taste of whole wheat pasta.

3) I can't even look at a picture of our president due to the HHS Mandate for Contraception/Sterilization Coverage and the attack on the Rights of Conscience.

4)  If the federal government is issuing mandates, how about a mandate for someone to hire me? I don't need birth control. I need a job.

5) I signed up for some computer classes to update my skills. Lately, I've been feeling like the world is passing me by while I'm standing still. Maybe a few extra skills on my resume will help. At least I'll feel a little bit smarter.

6) According to Matthew Kelly, there are seven pillars of Catholic spirituality. Let's see if I can remember them: 1) confession 2) scripture 3) spiritual reading 4) Mass/Eucharist 5) ?

I better re-listen to the CD.

7) I signed papers allowing the diocese to do a criminal background on me, so that I may be a Eucharist  minister once again.

8)  Pro-choice friend and PP supporter is unable to bear children. She and her husband would like to adopt a baby. No, I didn't point out the obvious.

10) Whoever is writing the petitions at my parish is very much into saving the environment.

Cleaning Out is Scary

Lately, I have been on a decluttering kick at my apartment or downsizing some may say.
I cannot think with all my possessions around.
I cannot discern whatever it is I am suppose to discern about my life with all this stuff around distracting me.
I cannot find things in my one-bedroom apartment.
I cannot come up with a cohesive decorating scheme when things are mismatched.
I cannot move forward when I'm shoveling things around.
Somedays I can't leave the house (apartment) on time because I can't find my purse, shoes, gloves, mail, etc.
Sometimes people give me ugly gifts.
I can't appreciate my truly beautiful items when they are hiding behind other items.
So about every other day I have been making trips to various charity thrift shops in the area with bags full of items.
I don't think I'll ever get to the point of St. Francis scarcity or a true minimalist.
There are a lot of things I do not need or use. Other people may find them useful. Charities certainly could use the money from selling the items.
So, it's load [the bags] and go.
Sometimes cleaning seems like an overwhelming thought. I want to live in a cleaner place.
What if I have to move? I don't want to worry about packing up a lot of stuff. That will be a pain. Ugh. Hate packing. Hate carrying heavy stuff around.

But this sorting and ridding is rather scary at times. Because when the majority of my items are gone, what will I have left?

Emptiness.

I am afraid my life will be empty and that there will be emptiness inside of me except for the things that I need to face.

It'll be God, me and my . . . weaknesses and faults.

I'm hoping I'll find freedom from all these objects that are collecting dust. I hope friends will fill my more spacious apartment. I want to create room for opportunities and love. I want to be loving, open and adventurous. I want to be creative and profitable.

But it's all a little scary. Because when I'm done with my purging project, what will I do? What will be left? What does life really mean? What does my life mean?

Dear God, as I empty my physical environment, please fill my interior environment with grace.