Shrill Like An Alarm Clock

1) My primary job at the job is answering the phone and questions from customers. Most of the customers are unhappy, ask questions I don't know the answer to, and are impatient. These customers are not the general public but from companies that do business with the company I work for. Anyway, many of the customers are females with shrill, snippy voices and attitudes. Plus they all talk so fast as if their phones will blow up sometime in the next five seconds if they don't end the call. I cannot listen, nor write so fast. All I can do is take their name, phone number, company, and their question. Then I have to hang up, do research, and call them back with an answer they probably won't like. I am really starting to dislike the female callers. 

If you are a woman calling me during the work day, speak nicely. Speak slowly and clearly and kindly. You didn't know everything when you started your job. I know you are a super special customer, but so are all the other super special customers. I know you don't like the policies, but I didn't make the policies. Remain calm. The business we're in is NOT life or death. It's important, sure, but remain calm. 

If you have to speak so quickly and anxiously because you have to go to the bathroom RIGHT NOW then go to the bathroom before calling.

Please stop sounding like a yappy little dog or an alarm clock. If your shoes are making you uptight then stop wearing shoes with pointy toes. No one can see your shoes while you're sitting behind a desk anyway. Maybe your underwear is creeping up on you, but that is not my problem.

You sound like snippy, stuck-up teen-age girls. I do NOT reward snippiness by moving your order to the front of the line. I tend to order or problems in which I received them. In other words, first come, first serve. Take note: you are not first. Be patient and wait your turn.

Remain calm and perhaps cut down on the coffee or coke. Chill. You are NOT calling 911. Even if you were, the dispatcher can't help you much if incoherent.

Some of you callers are on a witch hunt, looking for someone to blame. Do you want to spend your energy on looking for blame or on resolving the problem?

2) A shout-out to a certain male customer. I'm sorry everyone in the company bungled your order. It was a major screw-up then you discovered you ordered the wrong product to begin with. I actually prayed for you that something good and wonderful happens to you this weekend to wash away the problems of the work week. Thank you for not yelling at me or being rude to me despite all the problems you experienced with your order.

3) As far as praying for the customers in #1, I'm just praying for their voices to stop ringing in my ears.

Help me, Lord, to be polite and calm to all whom I do business with.