Winter is a difficult season for me because it's cold and dark and lifeless. Often I am depressed Give me sunlight, give me warmth is my motto. Then comes Lent.
I try to avoid Lent. It further depresses me. Ashes to ashes makes everything worthless. I don't like the focus on death. I feel apathetic. The stations of the cross are just miserable. I've suffered enough in my life, but that's not the point. Christ suffered, and it's painful.
I don't go to sad movies either. Life in the here and now brings enough suffering, so I don't go looking for it.
But I am going to Mass on Ash Wednesday this year. Now, if you came here to look for a good Catholic role model then hop on over to someone else's blog. So don't gasp when I say I haven't gone to Ash Wednesday Mass in several years. Okay, gasp if you want.
On Sunday I was signing in for my communion minister duty when the liturgy director was there looking for ministers to serve on Ash Wednesday. I couldn't say no, so I signed up for 4:00 pm Mass.
I think I need a Lent calendar like an Advent calendar to help count the days until Easter. Maybe I will make one.
And I have to think about what to do on Easter and with whom. Last year Easter was filled with hurtful drama in my family. I was ready to throw myself under a bus when it was over. I don't want to relive that.