Monday, March 25, 2013

The Complaining of the SAHM

I was with two friends on Saturday night for craft night. While I was complaining about this & that, my SAHM let loose with her complaints. She's living her dream of being a SAHM, and it really sounds miserable. She said getting married and having a family was just acquiring a whole new set of crosses. She also said she would not know how she would support her children if her husband kicked the bucket. She does not want to return to her former profession. I heard about her scary childbirth injuries too. Yikes. Actually, I got kind of cheered up. I thought she was living the dream, but as it turns out her uterus is practically falling out. And then the whole thing ended with her complaints about how NFP is just one big miserable hassle and doesn't allow many opportunities for sex (well, she still has more sex than I do!).

Well, you may say help the mom out. I can't because I'm not allowed. My other friend and I have offered several times over the past eight years to babysit, so she and her hubs could enjoy a leisurely dinner together or maybe she wants to ran errands alone or go to Starbucks and treat herself to a latte and read. But she doesn't believe in babysitters. Only the grandparents are allowed to babysit, and all the grandparents live in far away states. So she is in a self-induced stress filled situation.

I hold a valid teaching certificate, so I am legally qualified to supervise large groups of youngsters, keeping them safe while, at the same time, educating them. Also, I've passed many criminal background checks for various jobs (because I am not a crook). Our other friend is a Registered Nurse. So with the two of us taking care of her two children, they will be safe and smarter.

I wonder if this no babysitter rule has to do with her practice of attachment parenting.

Her husband would like us to babysit, but she won't allow it.


Becky said...

With all due respect to your friend, it sounds like she's a control freak--and I can relate well to that.

The baby-sitter thing though...I get that. I'm not saying she is choosing the right option in refusing help, but I myself have a really hard time accepting help from other people, other than my Mom. Here is my reason: I was a TERRIBLE baby-sitter. I am not proud of it. I was a boring baby-sitter, I ate all the food, and sometimes i went too far in scolding the children. (I never touched them, just yelled at them too much.)It's difficult to trust even friends, when you can't even trust yourself. Does this make any sense?

My best friend (at the time) was also a bad babysitter. She would play with the kids, but she was always on the phone--with me. I would hear them pleading with her to play with them while she would be talking on the phone to me. And she would pinch the baby to make him cry. Yep, she did it on purpose. I would hear her do it over the phone and laugh and say she just pinched the baby because she thought it was funny to make him cry. Even I was sensible to get mad at her for that and tell her how mean that was.

Last year, some girls down the street stopped by to offer their baby-sitting services and left their information, but as much as I wanted to get out, I never called them. It's a trust thing. So, like your friend, we create our own crosses.

Just recently, a friend of my moms offered to baby-sit for me and I told her I would take her up on her offer, because my Mom is getting old--not that she can't baby-sit, but my kids can be a lot sometimes. (You saw the video when they saw the Pope for the first time!) And although I was sincere at the time about taking her offer, I began to think about how hard my kids can be. I began to doubt that she could handle it. She is a very low-keyed person who is used to quiet.

But I decided that I need to do it, because like I said, it's a control thing, and you've got to take the helicopter ride to save you from the flood, right?

I hope your friend finds some peace. I feel kind of bad for her because it sounds like she has herself trapped in her own web.

qlms said...

I feel really bad for your friend, it sounds like she is trying so hard to control everything, she's failing at controlling anything. That's a hard place to be when you have people who are offering to help, and you can't even see that as the gift it is meant to be.

That being said, I was having a really difficult IF day, and reading this line, "I thought she was living the dream, but as it turns out her uterus is practically falling out." made me laugh so hard. I don't think it's funny that she's experiencing health issue,but that phrasing made me feel just a little bit better about not having kids today.

Lena said...

Becky, you could always have potential babysitters hang out with your family while you're home to get acquainted and develop trust. That's mean about pinching the kid. I thought it was joyous to see your children get happy when they saw the Pope for the first time. That was happy children behavior.

qlms - I've always heard scary childbirth stories and how going to the bathroom afterwards is a major medical painful production involving special cleansing procedures in what seems like a very sensitive part of the body. Then if you have a little kid in addition to the infant, you've got an audience in the bathroom who is asking questions and commenting on the personal appearance of private parts and feminine hygiene practices. I'm glad I'm missing that particular part of life. I'm quite modest. I was glad that there are now family locker rooms and family public restrooms, so no little boys are around.