I Am An Only Child

Often I wish I had siblings, but it didn't turn out that way.
My mom was 38 when she got married. She was 39 when she became pregnant with me, and 40 when she gave birth. I know my birth almost caused her to die. Luckily she was my mom for 38 years.

I remember praying as a child for younger siblings. Wouldn't twins be fun? I remember my mother praying with me. When my mother died, I heard my dad tell someone that he wished he had lots of children. I wished I had siblings to share my particular sorrow with. I wish I had siblings when my dad became sick. He's okay now. I wish had siblings, but maybe it wouldn't have been peaches and cream like I think it would have been.

I have learned that when my mom was about my age, she had a miscarriage (her second pregnancy). So, I almost had a sibling here on earth. My dad doesn't feel comfortable discussing it. He said, "it didn't make it!" I wish I knew details.

Right now I have a 40 year-old married cousin with one toddler. I have a feeling the toddler will remain an only. I wish I could tell her to try to have another one because being an only IS lonely for me. However, I can't tell anyone what to do with their life. I don't know if she and her husband are trying to conceive. I won't ask because it's NONE of MY business. Family planning* is between a wife, husband, and God.

I don't know why God made me an only. I don't know why I am still single either. I don't know anything. But I wish I would've been "enough" for my parents. On other other hand, I wish they had more children.

Being an only child isn't the worst thing in the world. I don't want to give that impression either. I have friends who are only children, and they lead happy lives.

I do hate when people call an unplanned pregnancy an "oops baby" or a mistake. My mother said there are no oops babies or mistakes, just surprises. I hate when people criticize large families (and large keeps getting smaller each passing decade).



*(includes NFP, not using birth control, using birth control, TTC, not using NFP)