Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Without Angst, Without Children

Sunday was the first Mother's Day is several DECADES that I wasn't angst filled. I wrote a post last year how sad I was on Mother's Days that I didn't even go to church.

You see, I am NOT a mom. I no longer have a mom. I no longer have a grandma.

This year I e-mailed mother's day greetings to my friends who are mothers. It was nice to reconnect with some of them.

What changed? I confessed my jealousy and resentment about friends being moms.
The priest said, "Ooh, that's a hard one."
Then the priest said to pray and ask God what will bring me happiness if it's not motherhood. Not sure what the answer is, but I'm not feeling bad about myself. It's the absence of angst. I take pleasure in the things I can do and places I can go because I am not a mom.

I'm okay the way I am. It's a big world out there, and I'm sure I can fit in somewhere, help some way. I feel free.

This year I went to Mass on Saturday evening. Yes, mothers were blessed, but it was okay. On Sunday I went out to brunch with friends who do not have children either. We enjoyed ourselves and nary a complaint. It's nice to be just is.

1 comment:

Debi said...

My best friend doesn't have any children and is single also. She admits that spending time with my 6kids has been very helpful to her accepting her vocation...she is exhausted after being with us for the day. I myself have fantasies about living in a convent....Have you ever considered religious life?? You have great reflections and love for the Catholic church! Blessings!