So Many Thoughts Today, Bad Godmother Action

My name on this blog is a nickname. I'm shy, and like my privacy.  Also, I've heard more than enough criticism in my life, and I'm afraid of more criticism.

Maybe if I wasn't so shy, I would have a mate. Maybe I would have a job. I hate being shy. But once I get to know someone, I open up.

I'm unemployed, and struggle financially. I'm so ready to be productive and earn money.  I'm starting to do volunteer work.

Dear God, you gave me a brain. Please let me use it, so I can support myself. Please God, let me fit in the world of work.

What's with the pornography in "R" rated movies? And when my 17 year-old godson was visiting and wanted to watch Love Actually, why didn't I check the rating? Why didn't I remember the porn parts of the movie? I remember the funny parts. We were watching this movie on my laptop, and when the porn part came on, I stuck my foot in front of the screen so he couldn't see it and ended up pressing the rewind button then fast forward button with my foot. This was one big godmother-ly mistake. I feel guilty.

I had a flat tire today, and drove on the flat to my local service station. A shout out to Manny, Danny, and John who take good care of my car time and again. I sat there waiting for Danny to fix the flat and thanked God that I didn't ruin the tire with the rim since I drove on the flat. Thank you, God, that I was able to afford the $25 repair and didn't have to buy a new tire. The treads of my tire are still really good.

Manny (the owner), Dan, and John are always very courteous and give me a discount or freebie every now and then. They thank me for my business and remember my [real] name.  I was talking to Dan about my tire when a man came to deliver some auto parts:
Dan to delivery man: How's it going?
Delivery Man: Okay. Same old.
Dan: Same old, same old. I'd say more, but there's a lady present.

I appreciate being thought of as a LADY. I do appreciate it when men refrain from swearing in front of me because I am a lady, a woman, a female.

Last year I remember taking a walk when I encountered an old man with a small boy (his grandson?), and the old man tipped his hat to me.  I was thrilled at this sign of old-fashioned manners. I smiled and said hello.

My Special Day, My First Communion

On this day in 1973 I made my First Holy Communion. I like to remember my most important anniversary. The Mass was at 2:00 pm, and my godmother called me earlier that day to congratulate me because she lived several states away. My godfather and his family, more friends, and relatives came to my First Communion Mass and to my home to celebrate afterwards.

We second graders lined up by height, and I was second. The entrance song was "Immaculate Mary, your praises we sing . . .. ."

My mother made my communion dress out of the train of her wedding dress. The sleeves were bells sleeves like the angels wore. I thought I had the prettiest dress and felt sorry for the girls who were wearing store bought dresses.

We each had a paper red heart with our first name pinned to our chest so Fr. Morris would say our name when he said, "Body of Christ."

From then on, I started counting the number of times I went to Communion because each time was very exciting. I eventually lost track though.

I am happy to report that my parents remained happily married till my mom's death six years ago. Both of my godparents are still alive, and we keep in touch. The street in front of that church is named Rev. Morris Blvd. Now I am a communion minister and still find it exciting to receiving the body and blood of Christ.

Post-MD

MD stand's for Mother's Day, and I purposely did not attend Mass. You see, all the moms I have had are gone. I am not a mom. There's a lot of pain involved when I am confronted with Mother's Day. It's hard going to church where mothers are glorified (as they probably should be), but I really feel like I lack so much. On Sunday, I had a thought that I am a Catholic failure due to not bearing children. Well, my life didn't go that route. Sometimes the church people forget that we single people exist.

Instead I went shopping with another single friend, and took my dad on some errands. I had a really good day. While walking in the store, another woman wished my friend and me a Happy Mother's Day. Automatically I said, "thank you." Then a little while later my friend and I talked about what to say to such greetings. I decided that thank you was the appropriate response. It's nice that people wish me a nice day, and I take any polite and cheerful greetings that come my way. My friend is an atheist and said she has to nagivate in a world that is so religious. Sure, she could choose to believe God. I've known for quite a while that she was an atheist. I gave her a homemade Easter card. She thanked me. Even though I knew she was an atheist, I gave her a card anyway. It was Easter, and I was in the mood to spread joy and blessings around. But I did pray for her the other night. But I am just going to be me, and not try to convert her. Besides, I am not a very good Catholic if I'm skipping Mass.

Yes, at times I miss my mother and my grandmother. And yes, it would have been nice to hold a newborn of mine. At times I feel like I have so much LIFE inside of me that I need to express in other ways.

I can't believe I almost forgot that my cousin wished me a Happy Godmother's Day. I was her Confirmation sponsor.

I should have gone to church.