Wishing for a Pie Chart, Wanting Out of the Sinking Boat

You know how God is in control?
You know how it's important to pray?
You know how we have free will?
You know there are other people on this planet who interact with us?
How much is God in control? How much do my actions lead to my desired goals? How much do the actions of other people influence my life?

Am I unemployed because:
a) God wants me to be unemployed and have no means of support? (God's power)
b) I'm not praying enough?   (my power)
c) I am not doing enough of the right things to obtain a job? (my power) or
d) Other people (employers) do not want to hire me? (other people hold the power)

What percentage of this unemployment is God's will??? Whom should I be angry at?

I am actively looking for a job. I meet weekly with a career coach for advice, direction, and support.

I have education. I have skills. I have experience.

I am so sick of hearing about the economy and depressing unemployment rates.

I know plenty of people who are gainfully employed with good salaries and benefits.

I am tired of being a Have Not.

It doesn't make me feel better to hear about how other people are in the same unemployment sinking boat.

I don't want to drown.

Help.

Two Priests, Canticle of the Turning, Unemployment

Really, I ought to take notes during Mass, so I can get the details rights except I don't think we should be taking notes during Mass.

We had two visiting priests say Mass today. Priest A introduced himself and the other priest (Priest B). Father A said Father B is not only ordained in the Western Rite, but is also approved to say Mass in the Eastern Byzantine Rite. I wonder how he got approval. Did he attend a special training session? I wish I had asked him after Mass.

Today's recessional song was "Canticle of the Turning," which I like for it's liveliness. I'm pasting the lyrics here:

1. My soul cries out with a joyful shout
that the God of my heart is great,
And my spirit sings of the wondrous things
that you bring to the ones who wait.
You fixed your sight on your servant's plight,
and my weakness you did not spurn,
So from east to west shall my name be blest.
Could the world be about to turn?

Refrain
My heart shall sing of the day you bring.
Let the fires of your justice burn.
Wipe away all tears, for the dawn draws near,
and the world is about to turn!

2. Though I am small, my God, my all,
you work great things in me,
And your mercy will last from the depths of the past
to the end of the age to be.
Your very name puts the proud to shame,
and to those who would for you yearn,
You will show your might, put the strong to flight,
for the world is about to turn.

3. From the halls of power to the fortress tower,
not a stone will be left on stone.
Let the king beware for your justice tears
ev'ry tyrant from his throne.
The hungry poor shall weep no more,
for the food they can never earn;
There are tables spread, ev'ry mouth be fed,
for the world is about to turn.

4. Though the nations rage from age to age,
we remember who holds us fast:
God's mercy must deliver us
from the conqueror's crushing grasp.
This saving word that our forebears heard
is the promise which holds us bound,
'Til the spear and rod can be crushed by God,
who is turning the world around.

The lyrics speak to me too.


Finally, I pray to God that someone, somewhere is impressed by my resume.

A Single Mother, Pro-Life, Suffering

Yesterday I came across a  blog of a Catholic, young, single mother named Amanda. She recently gave birth to conjoined twins who are in the NICU in a Chicago hospital. Alone she is keeping vigil at her daughters' bedside.

An article was written about her in the Chicago Sun-Times when she was pregnant because she chose life. The Pro-Life Action League website also featured her. Her first doctor encouraged abortion, and that breaks my heart.

It breaks my heart that people encourage women to kill their own babies.

It breaks my heart because no one threw her a baby shower.

One reason people have told her that she should abort is because her children will suffer. Everyone suffers one way or another. It may be physical suffering, or emotional suffering. One may suffer when he or she is young or he or she is old. There is no guarantee that a physically healthy newborn will never suffer.

Back to the story at hand, I'm not sure how to leave a comment on her blog.

Forgiveness

At Mass this past weekend, we heard scripture about how we need to forgive 70 times 7 (that's a whole lot of forgiveness).

It's not always easy to forgive. When I was young I was injured by a drunk driver. Once the bones healed, I was very angry. Mr. Drunk Driver was not remorseful (that I ever saw), nor was he brought to justice. I never rec'd any restitution. It was all unfair, and I could probably work myself up into a lather if I keep talking about it. Anyway, it took me well into adulthood to forgive him. It took me 20 YEARS to forgive. Forgiveness helped me move on. I had to wish him well in my heart. There was no purpose for me to continue with the anger. I just don't go down that angry road. Hopefully he did not/is not living out the rest of  his life in a drunken stupor and running over small people. That doesn't do him or anyone else any good.

Now, I have other people I need to forgive for various slights and other misdeeds and mistakes. I need to forgive people for their ignorant comments. I need to forgive certain people for not living up to my expectation even though I never stated these expectations. (I forgot people can't read minds).  I need to forgive them in my head and in my heart.

I need to know if one of my friends has forgiven me for something that happened this summer.

Closed Door, Open Window

Dear God,

I heard it said in the Sound of Music that when God closes a door, He opens a window. Dear God, would you please open a window for me then make sure I see the open window and give me courage to step through the window. I assume the window is at ground level. Please let it be at ground level. Help. I need a break.

Love,

Me

Anniversary -50 Years

On Sunday evening, my relatives and I got together and celebrated the 50th wedding anniversary of my aunt and uncle. It was a small, quiet dinner at the home of a cousin, but very special. Before our family got together, my aunt and uncle attended a special Mass for couples celebrating their 50th anniversary in the archdiocese. They were only allowed two guests, so I didn't attend.

I Had a Wonderful Dream

Last night I dreamt that I went to a revival meeting at my old parish with some neighbors. There was singing as we praised Jesus. There were many people giving witness talks about their experiences with Jesus. I turned around and there was my dad with some other neighbors. After three hours of this revival/praise meeting, I took my dad to the mall where we ran into my godfather. Then I took my dad home.

My impression of this dream was how happy I felt at this revival and how happy I felt afterwards. But now that I am awake, I am fraught with real life worries. I wish I could go back into my dream.