When I was growing up I saw those t.v. commercials in which a woman brought home the bacon and fried it in a pan. In my early college years I became friends with an angry feminist. I went to college in the years of the Yuppie. I live in the Land of Opportunity where many people pulled themselves up by their bootstraps.
I'm unemployed and feel so powerless.
My best just isn't making it.
I rely more and more on God and miracles and hope.
I feel so weak. I feel so guilty like I'm not pulling my own weight.
I think and then I feel so overwhelmed. So I dump it all on God. Didn't we hear in a recent reading at church that His yoke is lighter? But then I feel so inadequate.
But when I try to do it all myself, I feel like I get nowhere.
But when I give it all to God, I just go on my merry way. Then I think again and know I should be doing more to help myself. So where's the fine line between taking responsibility and giving it all to God?
I like giving it all to God, but then I feel lazy. I get lazy.
I try to solve my own problems all by myself. After all, I have a brain. Yet there is much out of my control. There is heaviness that I can't carry by myself. So I turn to God and enjoy another day. But then I feel disappointed in myself for not succeeding.
I am so tired of this treadmill. I turn to God then I feel like a wimp.
What am I trying to say?